Sunday, May 15, 2011

An Anniversary To Forget

I am terribly behind on my blogging - I still need to do Mother's Day and Isaiah's birthday - but I have to jump in to post this today.

This weekend marks the one year anniversary of me going on bed rest. A year ago I did Mother's Day and then Isaiah's birthday and the next weekend on Friday night Richard and I went to a gym and joined. It was in the gym's bathroom that I first noticed a little blood. Late that night is when Ruth came over and we went to the hospital. And they sent us home. And Saturday morning I woke up, started blogging and then passed out. So back to the hospital I went. And there I stayed for five days. Up-side-down. Today, Sunday, is when my whole family was fasting for me and "baby" - and Richard and I decided on the name Samuel. We didn't know then if we would ever gaze into our baby's face and call him that, or if it would just be the name we engraved on his tiny headstone.

And thus began the hardest four months of my life.

Of course, these awful memories that come flooding back every time I let them also have a happy side. Because right now, beside me, sits the most fabulously perfect little blessing ever - my Sammy. I will never be able to put into words how thankful I am that Heavenly Father listened to my oft-repeated pleas (and the pleas of my family and friends) and let me "keep" Samuel to raise here on Earth.

I am very much looking forward to spending this Summer outside and running around with my kids. I want to do all the things that we had planned for last Summer but couldn't do - and more! But, given the choice again, I'd lay down on that couch again and stay there for four months again if that's what I had to do to keep my baby. That's what a mother's love is.


angela michelle said...

Love this. It was also the weekend Haley and I flew to Dallas to visit Grandma and I remembered bursting into tears at the baggage carousel because I wanted you to have an easy pregnancy. Samuel was indeed worth it all. So glad this summer will be different.

erica said...

sometimes just the thought of everything that happened to you makes me cry, especially after seeing the pictures of your beautiful Sammy.

Mom said...

Don't ever forget it. You are better for it.