Monday, November 8, 2010

The Breaking Point

I think everybody has a certain point at which they can no longer handle "it". Usually, for me, that point is pretty far away as far as dealing with life as it comes at me. But there's one way that I know is a sure way to have that point be a lot closer to me - not getting enough sleep. When I'm a little short on sleep, I have a very short fuse. I am impatient and frustrated. When I'm a lot short on sleep, I cry. A lot. About everything.

I mean, really, ridiculously a lot. About really, truly any little thing. And as I'm crying I know that it's ridiculous and not worth the energy of the cry - but that doesn't really matter. Knowing that what you're crying about is silly, doesn't really help you stop crying. It does sometimes help me move on more quickly after the crying is done.

So today I exploded into tears several times. And moved on. Knowing that nap time was just around the corner. At nap time I fed the baby, watched the end of a show, and settled in for a nap of my own. I had a glorious hour left to sleep before Naomi got home from school. ... 10 minutes later Sammy started crying. So I picked him up, snuggled him in to my naptime cocoon of blankets on the couch, and drifted back to sleep. ...2 minutes later he started crying again. And wouldn't stop. So I cried. And the more Sammy cried, the more I cried, until finally we were both just laying on the couch sobbing.

And then Richard came to the rescue. He took Sammy away and let me sleep. He greeted Naomi when she got home. He shushed the boys as they came down from nap time. He fed them a snack. And he did it all while holding still-grumpy Sammy.

He's my hero.

So now, after more than an hour's sleep, I can face the rest of the day. My breaking point has scouched a little further away from me. And maybe I won't even cry anymore! (today)

(I'm filing this post under "For Posterity". I know it's kind of a depressing post, but I also think these feelings are such a big part of my life right now, that they should be remembered.)


erica said...

amen sister. amen. and I say, cry all you want to/need to.

Clyde said...

Sleep deprivation is the worst... Crying is a good outlet but I highly recommend you to get some good chocolate truffles instead! :)

(It'll pass soon enough - just keep the faith.)