*I wrote the following on the day that I found out I was pregnant this time around, but didn't publish it on my blog. For the record, I did manage to keep the news of my pregnancy mostly to myself for a month or so. Getting super sick made it harder to keep to myself since I felt like I needed an excuse.*
I miscarried about 6 months ago. And it was hard to tell everybody or to let the word of my miscarriage trickle down the same way that my pregnancy had. A month or two later people were still asking me how the pregnancy was going and it was always awkward and hard. So I swore that I would stop my habit of announcing my pregnancies the second I knew I was pregnant. I swore I'd wait at least a couple of months.
But today I found out I'm pregnant. And it's big news! It took me 6 months to get pregnant this time - the longest stretch yet. And I was really starting to stress about it. And people know I was stressing about it. And now, knowing that it's finally real again, all I want to do is call everybody in my phone book and start bragging. I admit it, it's selfish, but I want to hear the "Ohhh! Yeah!!! I'm so happy for you!!!" And I want to start talking names and room planning and all the other fun details about welcoming another baby into the world.
But I don't want to have to talk about a miscarriage again. I really don't want to HAVE a miscarriage again, but since that's out of my control I'll settle for just not having to talk about it.
So I'll try to sit on this news. Except, I already called Angela and Mom. I HAD to tell them! And then Ruth called and it didn't seem right to not tell her. And every time I talk to my friend Stephanie she asks me if I'm pregnant yet, so I'm sure I'll let it spill to her pretty soon. And when we start talking about Girl's Camp in Young Women's, I'll have to admit that there's no way I'm spending the whole week up there, because I'll be 7 months pregnant at the time. And if I go to book club or get together with any of my girlfriends, I'm sure to spill it then, too.
But I'll try to keep the count down. I'll try to keep it to honest-to-goodness good friends. People who I'd tell about a miscarriage anyway.
But who'm I kidding? I'll be lucky if I can keep this from going public for 2 WEEKS, let alone 2 months. It's just too exciting!!!