Shopping

I like to shop. But I can't do that much these days. Except online. The good part about shopping online is that it takes more commitment to buy something. At least for me, it seems more complicated online than just handing a credit card to a nice clerk in a store. So it slows down my shopping.
Which is good. Because I have quite a few things that I want! All baby-related, of course. Here's my current To-Get list.

Lucky me, I get to buy a new infant car seat for this baby! (Car seats expire, in general, after 6 years.) I'm in love with this great argyle pattern from Graco.

I'm also very excited to get a car seat "canopy". (I love the fabric on this one pictured) I've always just thrown a blanket over the top of my car seat to give my baby some dark or privacy or warmth, but these ones that strap or tie on are great! Genius! (And, as a bonus, I think I've convinced my Mom or sister to make one for me!)
Then there's these nursing covers that actually have a wire in them of some sort so that poor baby isn't quite so closed in, I can see him while he's nursing, he can see me, fresh air circulates, and he can't just pull the blanket off my shoulder - keeping my more modest.

And I've never had a great wrap or sling or anything like that that really worked for me. I think these Moby Wraps might be just the answer. It's basically just a long piece of fabric that you use to literally tie your baby to your chest.
And, last but not least, I want a stroller frame. No more lugging around a huge stroller. If I had one of these I could just pull out this small thing and snap the car seat right into it. It's lighter, smaller, and easier than a whole huge stroller.

So, that's it. Just a few things, right? The only thing that's really necessary is the car seat. But hey, a girl can dream, right?

Kids Day 2010

This year our Kids Day was a little different. With me pretty much out of the picture and Richard trying so hard to work full time and be Dad full time, there just wasn't much time for pampering the kids. Sure we gave the nanny a "Give the kids whatever they want" kind of speech, but that's just not the same. In the end, I think the kids felt loved, but maybe not quite as much as previous Kids Days.

Pretty much all I can do for the kids these days is give out plenty of cuddles. So we did a lot of that.

And Daddy bought the kids new pool toys. Nanny Amy played with the kids in the backyard.
Grandma Worth even stopped by (to clean the house - happy Kids Day to me!).
A friend dropped off this great big fruit platter for us and we let the kids have free reign of it with a side of Grandma-made banana bread.
And of course there was crazy dancing to loud music - a family favorite.
Later in the evening, Daddy took the kids to the mall for a ride on the carousel. I sent the camera with him with strict instructions to at least take one picture of each kid. ...But the camera stayed in the car instead of going into the mall. But, you know, taking three kids into a mall to ride a carousel is a tricky thing for a Dad to handle on his own at the end of a long day. So we'll cut him some slack this time.

Besides, in the end there were happy children. And that's what Kid's Day is really all about.

(As usual, I realize that there are very few pictures of Asher. He is just really not into the whole "stand still and say cheese" thing.)

27.5 Weeks

Forgive the unflattering shot of my armpit and a scowl on my face, but this was the best shot I could get of my little bump. Hey, at least it finally is a discernible bump! And isn't my shirt with the little footprints on it just adorable? It makes me happy. I love Etsy!

Isaiah's End of School Speech Update

I realize I haven't said much about how Isaiah is doing, speech-wise, lately. He is making awesome leaps and bounds forward! His speech therapy ended a couple of weeks ago and he won't be doing any of that during the summer. But he seems to be still soaking up language all on his own. The other day he said "Asher"! We haven't even been working on that one because the speech therapist told us it was basically impossible for him at this point. Isaiah has just been calling Asher "Ah". But, to my amazement, he just casually threw an "Asher" (well, really an "Ashew" but close enough!) into conversation the other day. And today he said "fish"! He has figured out and mastered the "sh" sound all by himself! And he often self-corrects. He'll say "I wah da." and then immediately pause and repeat "I wanT daT" just like his speech therapist would have made him do it.

Sometimes he is still totally incomprehensible, but usually only when he's in a rush or super excited about something. And he certainly isn't caught up with kids his age yet. But he has shown such strength and eagerness to learn and do it correctly that I really have every hope that he will have caught up with his peers before they can stick him with some awful nickname or stereotype.

What a blessing that this has turned out so well so far. ...Man. Our family really is blessed. Repeatedly.

No New Is Good News

When I have no news, that's good news, right? Hence my absence in blogging. Here's some catch-up:

I made it to my third trimester! Samuel is now at 27 weeks. According to one website I was reading, he now has an 85% chance of survival where he to be born right now. While those odds are still not "good enough", they are a huge relief. I have another check up at the doctor Thursday and I fully expect nothing but clear skies to continue. Wa-hoo!

Naomi is all done with school. My big girl is no longer a kindergartner. Summer has kicked itself off here with mid-90's sunshiney days, so we got out the inflatable backyard pool. Amy, the nanny, has had the kids out there the last two days for hours.

Speaking of the nanny, Amy - she is great. We are loving her and feel oh so blessed to have found her. She is great with the kids and handles most situations just the way I would. Naomi and Asher warmed right up to her. Isaiah is still working on it, but at least he doesn't scream when she so much as speaks to him anymore.

My sister-in-law, and great friend, Stacy, came to spend last week with us. The plan was for her to help me with implementing systems, but she ended up spending much of her time helping with the kids. Each of the kids took turns having a quick-but-ugly stomach bug last week and we didn't feel like we could have Amy over (she brings her 8 month old son with her each day) while they were sick. Stacy was a lifesaver. For the kids, for the house, and for me. I just love having her around. Plus, she did get a TON done for me. She helped me unbury the end of the counter (paper, paper, paper) and my desk, made 9 freezer meals, cooked most of Father's Day dinner, let Richard go see two movies and go out to dinner with his brother on Saturday, cleaned the house, did the dishes, cooked delicious meals for the family, played happily with the kids, took Naomi to get a haircut, painted a cabinet that I had half painted in my bathroom makeover from months ago, and cheered my soul immensely. She is a superwoman in every sense of the word. Naomi and Asher sobbed for half an hour when she left. And I kinda felt like joining them.

I snuck out of the house and went to my book club last week. It was so great to be out that I stayed out until after 10! I'm such a rebel.

Stay tuned for more exciting drama from what has got to be the most boring part of my life!

Control

Richard and my sister Ruth just took the kids to the pool for the afternoon. At first I was feeling happy to be left alone - free reign of the TV and all - but then I noticed that the dishes weren't done. And laundry needs to be done. And the bathroom has dirt all over it from the kids coming in from outside and being sent straight to the bathroom to wash up. And it all started bugging me. I just want to get up and clean! Cleaning when the house is empty is almost pleasant sometimes. And I know that if I leave all these things alone, Ruth will come home and do them all for us. And that just makes me want to get up and do them more because Ruth has done a LOT for our family lately. Grrr. It's frustrating. Frustrating in a way that I'm not sure anybody can understand unless they've been there. Some day I'll look back on this post and think, "Man, if Ruth came over right now I sure wouldn't complain about her doing my laundry and cleaning my house while I lay around!" But after four weeks of being totally dependent on others, this is really tiresome.

I've come to realize that part of my frustration comes from feeling like things are out of control. Not just out of MY control - but not controlled at all. The laundry gets done when somebody comes over to help, but nobody is constantly aware of the laundry needs. The dishes get done daily, but the big pots pile up because nobody does a seriously thorough deep cleaning. Things are getting done, but they're not really "under control". Ya know? So Richard and I had a long talk about those kinds of things. Because I've been assuming that he would slowly take over being in control of those things. And he's been assuming that I'm still in control of them because they are getting done when people come over. What he and I concluded is that we need new systems. New systems that are just set so regularly that they never seem to be out of control. Like Monday is vacuuming, Tuesday is laundry, Wednesday is deep cleaning the kitchen, etc. And that if we have that kind of a system, even though I'm not the one doing any of it, I can still feel in control by making sure that thing gets done that day - whether that means telling Richard to do it or the random person who comes by to help. We really hope this will help. This coming week my sister-in-law, Stacy, is coming for a week. She and I will work on getting that system, and several others, working.

With all this planning and system-implementing going on, I am starting to feel a little better about life. But I still wish I could just get up and do things the way I usually would!

Bedrest: How It Feels

My ears and hips and head have gotten over their initial soreness from laying around all day. These days, instead of having a headache when I lay down too long, I get a headache when I stand up.

Guilt. I feel tons of guilt. Every time somebody cries and I can't help at all. Every time Richard is having one of those (common with three kids) moments when he's overwhelmed by multiple needs from multiple children all at once. Every time something cute is going on in the other room and all I can do is lay here and listen. Every time there's a mess I can't clean up. Every time somebody is here helping in whatever sweet way they can. Every time someone calls and mentions they've been thinking/worrying about me. Pretty much all the time.

Worry. I worry about Samuel, of course. And how scary going into labor will be this time - whenever it happens. And what if something else goes wrong before I go into labor? I worry about Isaiah because he's the one who's handling this whole situation the worst. I worry for the nanny because Isaiah is such a basket case right now. I worry about blood clots in my legs because I don't move enough. I worry about how flabby and weak I'm going to be when I eventually get off bedrest. Pretty much about everything. There's not much else to do, ya know? Not much to keep my mind off these things.

Boring. I don't think I need to elaborate much there.

Lonely. It's weird that I haven't talked to any random people. Is it crazy that I miss seeing people I don't even know at the grocery store or Target or whatever? I guess maybe isolated is the right word.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit that sometimes it's nice. But only for a fleeting second here or there.

Weird. Weird to think that I haven't so much as walked into the kitchen in weeks. Or switched any laundry. Or tucked any children into bed. I feel a bit like I'm not myself since I haven't done any of those things. Those things really identify me as me at this stage in my life.

But, I am still taking care of a baby. I'm just doing it by laying around all day. I'm still me. I'm just me, horizontally!

Slow Weekend

A slow weekend was just what these kids needed. After three weeks of being carted off to this or that house to do this or that every day, they were ready for some good old fashioned stayin' home. Richard went to a short conference out of town and my sister Ruth came over to help with me and the kids. It was a much needed break for Richard, and fun for the kids and I. Aunt Ruth is always a treat!

Here are Naomi and Isaiah playing a computer game after a long Sunday nap.
And everybody got in on a rousing game of Guess Who with Aunt Ruth.
With plenty of time left over for cuddles and snuggles galore.
These poor children really do need some stability in their lives. They are all crabby and whiny and confused. They're explosive! Our sweet Isaiah throws colossal tantrums multiple times a day. They all just want their lives back. ...And I can SO relate.

Check Up

I went back out into the wild world today for the first time in weeks. I had a check up with my Dr and an appointment with the Neonatologist. My doctor gave me that shot that helps the baby's lungs develop a little earlier than usual - just in case Baby Sammy makes his appearance on this Earth a little too early. Then we went over to the Neonatologist's. There they did another ultrasound and we learned that my cervix is nearly as thick as a normal one! Thicker than it was when I left the hospital!

Clearly what we're doing is working! In addition to surgery, a great doctor and strict bedrest, the prayers and faith of many have brought about this true miracle.

It's so nice to be able to mentally relax a little bit. I've been feeling guilty every time I stand up or move abruptly. I haven't so much as sneezed without wondering if I've just done some damage to my baby and his safe womb. I haven't showered without wondering if I could have done it faster and therefore been better for the baby. Relaxing a little bit really does feel nice.

So did leaving the house!

Keep up those prayers, please.

***********
We hired a nanny who will start this Monday. She's a family member of someone we know from church. She has a ton of nanny/au pair experience. We are excited that next week will bring a little more regularity to the kids schedule, and a little less depending on the kindness of our sweet friends. I know they're more than happy to help, but it's gonna take me years to pay all this service back into the universe.

Fondness

There's just not much to blog these days. I lay around all day. I alternate between my left side and my right. Movies, TV and books. Potty breaks are my only excuse to stand up.

I realize that this blog is not entirely about me. I usually also blog about the kids and what's going on in the family. But it's harder to do that when I'm not really a part of any of it.

Yesterday the kids played with Grandma in the morning and then Richard took them to the pool in the afternoon. So I'm sure they had a fun Memorial Day - I just didn't witness any of it. So I have no cute stories to share.

I try to be involved with the kids as much as possible, even from my prone position. But it's very overwhelming to talk to three kids when you are lower than them. They crowd around and over me and I quickly feel claustrophobic and overwhelmed. I try to have one on one time with each kid each day. But even that usually ends with all three kids piled around me in chaos. It's good chaos for them, but it's ... a lot... for me.

I'm really not fond of this helpless, totally dependent, me, me, me state that I'm in. When I can see that Richard is overwhelmed or even just pinched for time, it's so hard not to just get up and help. Shouting orders from the couch only helps so much as far as "help" goes.

...As you can see, it's getting harder and harder to stay cheery. But I thought I might want to remember some of this. ... So that some day, when I look back on it, I can remember it with fondness.

There's not much fondness at the moment.

Edited later to add:
My mother in law, Margaret, just left such a lovely comment that I had add it to the text here so that you would all be sure to see it:
"I enjoy playing with your kids, since you can't. A great story from yesterday (Memorial day) and one which I will always remember and treasure. The kids came in from playing outside and I was going to vacuum in the family room-which they don't like due to the noise. They said "can we play outside?' "No" I said, "I just got you clean and dry" (we had been playing in the water table). They said, "we can't play in the family room- it will be too noisey. "Can we play in the front room ?" "No" I said "the front room is always 'off limits'" "Can we go see Mom?" "No" I said, "she is resting right now." "Can we play in the basement?" "No" I said "Your dad has his office in the basement and he is working right now."
They looked dejected, they were out of ideas and all of a sudden Naomi said "Let's go to my room, I will read you a story!" And off they all went as happy as can be!!! Hooray for kids who can problem solve and be pro-active. That Naomi is a trooper!"
So, see, they're still cute. I just don't know about it.