Alright, People. No more Miss Perky. Several of you have expressed the view that I should be feeling great at this point since I'm so close to the end of my "confinement". Well, let me tell ya, that just means I've got 4 months of suckage behind me. And I'm tired of it. No "end in sight" is gonna be good enough until it's in my rear view mirror. I'm tired. I'm now in physical pain. I'm tired of being not in control. I'm tired of thinking over and over the future and running every scenario. I'm tired of my children looking at me when I tell them to do something and then ignoring me because they know I can't back any threats up with action. I'm tired of having to make lunch requests from the couch. I'm tired of thinking "such and such needs to washed/cleaned/done" and then having to wait for days until someone asks me what they can do to help. I'm tired of having nothing on my schedule for the entire day. I'm tired of making up things to put on my schedule just to feel more fulfilled. I'm tired of people serving me. I'm tired of feeling like crap. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of sacrificing the other three kids for the sake of one. I'm tired of being tired or so many things.
I'm tired, People. So stop telling me I should be perky. It just makes me cry more, at this point. It's not over til it's over. And it's not over yet!
(I know this is a ridiculously grumpy post and I'll probably regret it later and maybe even remove it, but for now it feels pretty good to just be honest.)