Alright, People. No more Miss Perky. Several of you have expressed the view that I should be feeling great at this point since I'm so close to the end of my "confinement". Well, let me tell ya, that just means I've got 4 months of suckage behind me. And I'm tired of it. No "end in sight" is gonna be good enough until it's in my rear view mirror. I'm tired. I'm now in physical pain. I'm tired of being not in control. I'm tired of thinking over and over the future and running every scenario. I'm tired of my children looking at me when I tell them to do something and then ignoring me because they know I can't back any threats up with action. I'm tired of having to make lunch requests from the couch. I'm tired of thinking "such and such needs to washed/cleaned/done" and then having to wait for days until someone asks me what they can do to help. I'm tired of having nothing on my schedule for the entire day. I'm tired of making up things to put on my schedule just to feel more fulfilled. I'm tired of people serving me. I'm tired of feeling like crap. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of sacrificing the other three kids for the sake of one. I'm tired of being tired or so many things.
I'm tired, People. So stop telling me I should be perky. It just makes me cry more, at this point. It's not over til it's over. And it's not over yet!
(I know this is a ridiculously grumpy post and I'll probably regret it later and maybe even remove it, but for now it feels pretty good to just be honest.)
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6 comments:
It's cool. There's nothing worse than feeling bad and having people tell you to perk up. Sorry,sis.
Hold on just a bit more, Nancy - you SURE have all the rights and the excuses in the world to be sad and frustrated. Sorry that the end isn't here yet but as soon your cutie Samuel is out all those sour feelings will be gone. It's a promise! :)
(We'll keep you and your family in our prayers.)
Nothing wrong with honesty! And I'd keep the post up so you can remember the good and the bad and be that much more grateful when it's over.
We love you and are excited for the end for you, too! Plus then you'll start posting pictures of that cute baby boy!
I'm sorry it's so stinky right now, though. I didn't go through 4 months of it - but I went through enough to know that even after a few weeks it's old!
*HUGS*
nobody has the right to trash the perky more than you. you've done an awesome job waiting this long to reach this point--lots of people would have been there months ago (not that you haven't had moments). sorry nanc. love ya.
i love kelly's comment
yeah. don't you hate when people tell you, "just hang in there!!" like you have another option, or "you can do this!" - honestly - of course you can, but it doesn't mean that the situation doesn't bite the big one. You're in my thoughts daily. I have a pasta dinner in my fridge for you - dang it.
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