Monday, August 25, 2008

It's what's inside that matters

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

I found this quote on a post on Chocolate on My Cranium (my favorite blog-from-random-person-I've-never-actually-met). Her post was about inner beauty but when I read this quote I thought of all the thoughts floating around in my head. ...I guess that is a lot to do with inner beauty... Anyway, specifically what I was thinking about was when my children do something naughty and I think something like "I wish I could take the "will" out of that child, swish it around in the toilet just to be gross, and then throw it out the window so hard that it splats on the window of the house next door." That's not really a nice thought. And I would never do anything like that (especially since taking the "will" out of someone is kinda of not possible in one fowl swoop like that and because I wouldn't really want to take Asher's...I mean any child's...will out anyway).

The question is, how do I stop those thoughts? And, really, I know the answer - slowly but surely I have to replace them with other thoughts.
There was a time in my life when I found it hard to smile. I wanted to smile. I just honestly think I had spent so long in the teenage-angst phase that I had forgotten how. So I told myself that I was just going to fake it until it was real. So I started giving these (what felt like) cheesy grins to people. And, sure enough, pretty soon it was easy to smile for real! I loved it when people smiled back at me. Now I really, really love to smile at random people and try to get them to smile back. It makes me feel good to think that maybe I helped them snap out of a funk or think a happy thought. Or, maybe they just think I'm loony - but I feel good either way. (Just writing what I just wrote makes my old self want to gag a little at the cheesy-ness - but it's honest.)

So I stop those bad thoughts of mine by just cutting them off and thinking of good things instead. But man is that hard! Angel faces and memories of sweet sleeping-baby moments only get a Mom so far when one of her children throws a fit for the fourth time that day. But I guess that's why we have repentance and mercy. Whew.


angela michelle said...

That's kind of a hilarious image (swishing the will in the toilet). I have had the (figurative) desire to put a child in a drawer and shut the drawer or throw a crying child out the window.

So I'd say what's inside Asher is all the potential and energy and creativity of a spirit who will become a fun boy and a strong man and beyond. And you've got to figure out how to teach him to control and organize all his energy and respect limits.

I have to say I'm enjoying this just a LITTLE because I feel I have boys with way too much personality and spunk and will and sometimes it's so hard to keep them in line. And now maybe you know how I feel!

Chocolate on my Cranium said...

It's times like these I've really had to try hard to remember they've got full grown spirits in those tiny little bodies.

Great, honest, down-to earth post!