And now, the news...

Toddler Toddles
Little Isaiah Worth was officially declared a "toddler" today by his mother, Mrs. Nancy Worth. Mrs. Worth said "he doesn't walk with his arms straight out anymore, zombie-like. He can really walk." Sources say there have even been a few attempts at running, but no success has been reported yet. We will keep you posted on this ever-changing story.

Man Celebrates "Black Day"
Richard Worth turned 30 years old this past week. His extended family joined him for a celebration on Sunday, but all continued to celebrate through Tuesday (his actual birthday). Tuesday, the Worth family ate by candle light on black plates and a black tablecloth. The meal was reportedly hated by all except Richard, who gobbled the Stroganoff happily. Richard is reported to have cried himself to sleep because of the onslaught of this horridly old age. As a follow-up story, check back here tomorrow for an in depth look into how teasing your wife about being "so old" when she is less than a month older than you can have negative consequences.

Also of note is that this same man spoke at the Library of Congress today. No report is yet available as to how the presentation went, as this man has not yet called his wife (despite the presentation being over for the past three hours).

Mother Exercises and Then Does Happy Dance
A source inside the LA Fitness Kid's Klub tells us that a young mother who has been struggling with a crying child interrupting her workouts, was able to finish an entire 40 minute routine today without being interrupted. Our source added "The kid still cried, but not non-stop. So we just stuck him in a corner and tried to plug our ears." The mother is reported to be fine with this arrangement. Her "happy dance" was in the Krump style.

Boys Love Games
A new study proves that 2 year old boys love to play games. A favorite in one household is Hungry, Hungry Hippos. However, it should be noted that this study did not take into account playing the game properly. It is believed that most 2 year old boys would rather just play with the parts of a game than actually start and finish an organized game. For example, Asher, 2, puts the balls of Hungry Hippos into Matchbox Pick-up trucks, then enjoys scattering those same balls across the room with a swipe of the hand.

Girl Believes Mother is Cruel
Miss Naomi Worth believes that her mother is purposefully withholding school from her several days out of the week. Miss Worth believes that other children get to go to school every day and has no idea why her mother only lets her go three days per week. Miss Worth's mother refutes this claim several times each night that precedes a non-school-day. She was not available for comment because she was napping.

Stay tuned to this channel for further developments on all these important news stories.