September 11, 2001

On September 11, 2001 I stayed home from work sick. I lived in an apartment in Alexandria, Virginia with two friends, Melody and Melissa. I was engaged to Richard. Richard had taken my car to his work that day. He worked in the Pentagon Annex. I was still asleep when my room-mate and also co-worker, Melody, called me to tell me about the first of the towers in New York being hit. We had a discussion (that was really embarrassing) about whether the World Trade Center was in New York or possibly Chicago. We also discussed if it was an accident or on purpose. I was of the opinion that it was just some crazy accident. We didn't have TV hooked up in our apartment yet, so when I got off the phone with Melody I went back to sleep. Melody called me again when the second tower got hit. I was a little freaked out by that, since it was less easy to think it was an accident. I was also a little annoyed with Melody for bugging me when I wasn't feeling well. I tried to go back to sleep but I was spooked so I couldn't sleep. I turned on the TV to see if by some fluke I could get a picture. No luck. I turned on the radio to see if I could get anything there. What I heard just freaked me out even more instead of comforting me so I turned the radio back off. I just lay on the couch hoping that I would eventually fall back asleep. A little while later the windows of my apartment shook and there was a rumbling noise. I was scared. I turned on the radio again. This is what I heard: "A plane has hit on or near the Pentagon. We don't know yet exactly what has happened..." then they said something about "doubtless, hundreds are dead..." All I could think was "ON or NEAR? On or near? Which is it? On or near?" If a plane hit ON the Pentagon that meant my Richard was probably fine. If it was NEAR the Pentagon my Richard could be... I'm not sure I even let myself totally think that thought. But I know I started crying at that point. I left the radio on then. But they didn't have any new news. They started saying "a plane has hit the Pentagon" but I wasn't sure that they were saying it because it was true. What if they were just shortening it because near the Pentagon was close enough to so many other people? All I could do was wait and pace. I stood on the balcony of my apartment and watched the road into my apartment complex for my car safely carrying Richard back to me. But I wasn't sure if Richard would come to my apartment. What if he went to his parents house where he was living instead. I called his parents house. I spoke to his brother Kevin. I don't remember what Kevin said, but I do remember that it was very comforting to me. I waited more. I waited more. Finally I saw my car drive into the parking lot. I was waiting for Richard at the front door. We only stayed at my apartment for a few minutes. We went to Richard's parents house in Oakton. They had TV and, of course, Richard wanted to be near his family. At their house we sat in the dark basement and watched the TV coverage for hours. When we spoke, we whispered. No one laughed. No one spoke of everyday things. Time flew by and dragged at the same time. We watched some silly movie that night, still at Richard's parents' house. We needed a distraction - but it felt wrong and wasn't comforting or all that distracting.